Even Yakuza need time out.

Yakuza is mostly about dealing with trauma and heartbreak, pitting brother against brother and clan against clan. But not every moment is a tearjerker. Sometimes you're in a bar singing karaoke to your heart's content, and sometimes you visit the arcade to win a girl some claw-machine prizes.

There are dates, cabarets, bars, and tons of fun to be had in Kiryu and Majima's downtime, but imagine if the people they butted heads with were the same? Instead of being hunted down by countless Yakuza thugs, we could all meet up with the family heads to have brunch or a quick smooch behind the HQ.

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Maybe Oda and Tachibana can finally embrace their unspoken love for one another. Or maybe I'm reading too much into those longing glances I've spotted between the pair. Whatever the case, Yakuza isn't all down in the dumps, so we're looking at that unspoken squishy underbelly, and ranking Yakuza 0 characters by how good they'd fair on a first date.

Kuze, Kuze, Kuze... A melodramatic man baby that no doubt subtweets his own family after arguments at Christmas. One of the first encounters we have with him is when he speeds at us on a motorcycle with a pipe in hand in the sewers. He's all about making a scene and taking the stage with no care for anyone else.

On the first date, he'd be Bully Maguire snapping his fingers and playing the piano.

We all love Kiryu, but do we love him enough to go on a date with him? Think about it. You'll probably have a good night singing some tunes and getting drunk, but you'll likely end up with a bruise, black eye, and a few Yakuza trashing your place.

He invites trouble. There's dating bad boys then there's dating bad boys and the last thing I want is a couple of Yakuza in my apartment throwing hands and wrecking my furniture.

Makimura is a sweet and kind soul who would no doubt have a warm presence, but as far as first dates go, the last thing you want is to end up in the crossfire. Hail a taxi, and you might be on the receiving end of a car bomb, or you might get mistaken for a hitman and knocked out cold by Lee.

As nice as she is, a first date is too risky. That's a common problem with dating most Yakuza-affiliated people, eh?

So Makimura is a walking broken mirror, but what about her brother? He's calm, kind, rich, and mostly keeps safe, despite all the war going on around him. But he's a bit egotistical.

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After a night at the ramen shop with a few bottles of champagne down his neck, he'd drag us back to his tower and make us watch as he turns all the lights in the city off. "Look at me, I'm on top of the world." He has real Victor Perkins vibes, just without the orange jumpsuit. And you'll never mean as much as that empty lot to him. You're his side thing.

Oda is a bit of a prick but he's hot. I'm a simple man who likes simple things, and I'd risk being backstabbed and shot by Oda just to spend one date with him.

He's rugged but handsome and would treat you like a king on that first date. You'd be wined, dined, and fined by someone fine. Okay, I'm entirely biased here, but look at him and then blame me.

I'm a bi man with simple taste. I like emos and I like twinks. But thanks to Awano, I finally get the hype for DILFs. He's got it all—the suggestive smirk, the big biceps, the swagger, the fashion.

His purple suit and the way he moves on the dance floor make that bullet to the head worth it. You can kill me after our first date, Awano. That's fine by me.

Kiryu barely knows Reina and she risks life and limb to take him in and protect him from the Dojima family. She's a flirty bartender who knows how to have fun, egging us on to sing karaoke with Nishiki.

Unlike the others on this list, being around her isn't all that dangerous, but she's more than willing to help you out when you need it. A first date would likely be the door to a loyal friendship, even if nothing romantic comes of it.

You'll notice I have a thing for loyalty and Lee has that in spades. He dies for the woman he's taking care of, making damn sure she's safe right to the end, and he barely knows her.

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A first date with Lee would be the safest. He'd have your back if someone shoved you or shouted at you, and he has the muscles to back it up. Muscles that I would happily melt into if they were wrapped around me.

Nishiki is a beautiful, loyal man, and I'm only slightly swayed by him ripping his shirt off to help Kiryu fight back against the Yakuza. I've been told Kiwami will ruin my appreciation of Nishiki but I don't care—his long hair, dashing good looks, and striking smile all create a mask of confidence to hide his soft and sensitive side.

He even loves karaoke, so he'd no doubt carry the conversation and make that first date memorable, picking the best spot in town. I can imagine the two of us losing time until we're sat at 3 am in a car park, just taking it all in. I just hope he doesn't put a gun to the back of my head. He's also the only one I'd ask for a second date. Sorry Majima, but you're too much of a workaholic.

Next: Yakuza: All Protagonists, Ranked

James is a photo/news editor at TheGamer with bylines at IGN, VG247, NME, and more. You can contact him at james.t@thegamer.com.