Good grief, 10 grand still gets you a lot of automobile

You know you’re dealing with a decent chunk of change when you don’t just edge into Porsche territory, but stroll past entry-level engines, high-milers and Schrodinger’s MOT.

You’re even into the better-looking, better-finished 987 generation, so all that’s left to do is revel in the sub-1300kg weight, sonorous flat six and superlative open-air experience. And that you had 10 grand spare, obviously.

Go on, do it before we do

We bought one. We loved it. We hated it. We loved it again. We hated it again. We wanted it gone. We sold it. We miss it. We’re looking for another one. And the cycle will repeat.

Still, it’s one hell of a thing when it works.

Go on, do it before we do

Yes, it’s the latest episode of ‘can I find an R129 SL for the budget?’, but we will only stop recommending this car if it turns out Bruno Sacco tortured kittens and Mercedes used the bones to make its biodegradable wiring harnesses.

Go on, do it before we have to remind you how good it is again

And if we’re going to play the R129 game, you better believe we’re going to play ‘Hey, any decent Chimaeras about?’ one. And to be honest, we’re not sure we actually won this round, given the Chimaera we found has “SERVCE HISTORY”, it “LOOKS AND DRIVES WELL” and its vendor has shown they’re keen to find “SIMULAR CARS”. But hey, when is a TVR not a gamble?

Um... we would say, ‘Go on, do it before we do’, but do be careful

But let’s say you want something with serious speed and a V8 soundtrack, but also have silly notions of getting a decent car, or getting where you’re going in one piece, and even sillier ones about not losing any pieces from your car or person in the process. You might like the 4.2-litre V8 Audi S5. You might also dislike like it. Aren’t opinions just the best?

Go on, do it before we do

OK, so the practical benefits of all-wheel drive – at least in daily driving – are limited at best. Such are the joys of modern roads and tyres: you can get just about anywhere you need to without the so-called safety net of four driven wheels.

But then the practical benefits of a road-going rally car are also limited. But when those benefits include dusting Lambo drivers on a twisty road, does practicality really enter into it?

Go on, do it before we do

If we can liken BMW to business class flights and Rolls to a private jet, where does Alpina sit in that analogy? Well, that really rare airline that offers a kind of ‘business plus class’, which should be the option that everyone chooses for their work flights but somehow isn’t because all the other airlines have bigger ad budgets.

Starting with something as ubiquitous as an E39 5 Series and winding up with something that feels unique, special and your little secret? Find us another tuner that manages that feat.

Go on, do it before we do

Mankind has been given many gifts, but the fast estate is the gift we gave to ourselves. Come to think of it, why isn’t it more of a thing to buy yourself a birthday present?

But we, as you’ve come to expect by now, digress. The W202 Benz might not have the stellar reputation for reliability of its W123 and W124 siblings, but only those with a mind to outlive the eschaton have reason enough to say no to a near perfect package. That’s a 4.3-litre AMG V8, in a small estate, with the true Goldilocks amount of power – 300bhp and 300lb ft.

Go on, do it before we do

But having ‘just enough’ power is like having ‘just enough’ money. We live in a world where only more is more, excess is success and humility is only for the humiliated.

Yes, it’s a long wind-up to introduce the Jaguar supercharged 5.0-litre V8, also known as the strongest thing to come from Wales since Tom Jones’ voice. Really, the rest of the XFR is a bonus, so the fact it’s actually a tremendously comfortable, sharply styled saloon really is having your cake, eating it and dropping two trouser sizes in the process.

Go on, do it before we do

These days, 10 grand doesn’t get you anything approaching mint for one of these – and if it does, feel free to get in touch with us immediately with the wheres, hows and whose legs we have to break.

For the regular £10k spender, though, it’s going to be a bit of a tired Type R. But it will be a Honda Type R and therefore largely invincible.

You know how everyone repeats how cockroaches could survive a nuclear war? Well, so could lots of bugs, but they never get the credit for it. Consider Honda as the unsung maker of largely unkillable machines – that also happen to be masters of giggle-inducing lift-off oversteer. Just don’t do it anywhere silly, OK? ‘Largely unkillable’ doesn’t extend to you wrapping it around a lightpole.

Go on, do it before we do

Thank you for subscribing to our newsletter. Look out for your regular round-up of news, reviews and offers in your inbox.

Get all the latest news, reviews and exclusives, direct to your inbox.

By clicking subscribe, you agree to receive news, promotions and offers by email from Top Gear and BBC Studios. Your information will be used in accordance with our privacy policy.

By clicking subscribe, you agree to receive news, promotions and offers by email from Top Gear and BBC Studios. Your information will be used in accordance with our privacy policy.

BBC Studios is a commercial company that is owned by the BBC (and just the BBC). No money from the licence fee was used to create this website. The profits we make from it go back to BBC programme-makers to help fund great new BBC programmes. BBC is a trademark of the British Broadcasting Corporation. Logos © 1996.